Wait.

So when does the attack commence?
Wait.
How long must we wait?
Wait.
Aren't we losing valuable time... aren't we making  a big mistake?
Wait.
When they least expect, we attack.
Or something like that...

Somebody Got to the Bogman First...

Ha ha!  I may not be that crazy after all!  You will notice that one of my rejected longlist ideas is create a pet character made of bog (peat!).  My idea was to call this little fella, 'Pet Peat' and to literally cut gingerbreadman-like figures from wet bog and sell them to gullible idiots.  Well, I actually decided not to go with this idea because, well, it isn't my thing... but... lo and behold what do I see yesterday when purchasing a birthday gift for my good wife in a nice store in Galway?  You guessed it - this exact idea!  I couldn't believe that someone else had come up with the exact same ridiculous scheme!   Well, best of luck to the kindred inventor - this gives me  a bit more confidence that the daft ideas might just work!

Ten Alternative Mortgage Paying Methods.

1.  Sell anything I have a pair of:  eyes, ears, hands, feet and testicles.  Though perhaps I'll keep the last to myself.

2.  Invent a new really cool gadget that everyone wants called an ippydop.  Cost - €345.  Expensive but well worth it.

3.  Send emails, under a false address, to random strangers telling them that I am a billionaire Prince from Ugustanta and will lodge a truck load of money into their account, if only them give me their account numbers.

4.  Ask the IMF to bail me out.  Then tell them to feck off.

5.  Dress up in a ridiculous outfit and prance about singing a catchy pop tune under the pseudonym 'Ladie Gaga'.

6.  Set up a new bank called the Anglo-Breandán, then go bust, then ask the Government to pay the bill.

7.  Become an annoying celebrity chef who takes on a pet project - like making sure that every arsonist in Ireland channels their energy into cooking.

8.  Become a computer nerd, hack into bank files and delete my mortgage completely.  Then escape before James Bond catches me.

9.  Bring begging to another level.

10.  Stick my head in the sand and hope the damn thing goes away.